I fell asleep watching Sword Art Online last night instead of writing another drunken caster review, so I’m writing this sober, you’ll have to excuse me if it’s coherent and lacking in anger.
So Legion, home of the dragon loving, anime watching princesses who haven’t played a unit in their entire lives. Yes, Legion players are pretty much only interested in running scads (and by scads I mean 8) derp dragons and have an inherent hate of anything remotely unit like. Personally I always thought their warbeast aesthetic was like an inbred alien xenomorph, but whatever floats your boat. If you like strange looking eyeless lizards and hate painting more than 8 models this is the faction for you! Oh, all your casters will have dragon cancer as well, but don’t worry, they like it.
Let’s get down to the caster ranking, which will be dominated by casters who do fancy things for their battlegroup and by my personal experience of playing Circle into the spawn of the blighted one. There are two governing rules for legion: first is, infantry doesn’t exist. Second is we only play casters that can deliver our derp dragons in the face of guns. Keep that in mind as we trundle through the various cancer elves.
Without exception there is one caster who has dominated this faction of squibs for almost the entirety of its existence:
That’s right, in a faction of unimaginative bandwagoners and fan boys, JVM dictates and drives what legion players are reaching for when they stick their painted little finger nails into their model bags. As the Champion of Everderp, JVM is both a cause de celeb and a curse to the faction. First he’s some sort of savant genius, who pops his feat: READ META, and crushes masters across the land. On the other hand he saps the ability of Legion Players to complain about their over priced warbeasts and the need for a Legion CID because he keeps winning with them! So what you end up with is an entire player base slavishly following in the list wake of JVM, constantly behind the curve but unable to bitch about it. If you face the man himself be grateful for one of the best games of warmachine you will have ever had the pleasure to have played, then name drop him at every opportunity you can.
2. FYANNA2: Oh shit yeah, this crazy cancer elf is all into the S&M with her whip and desire to throw people around. She does a shit ton of cool things for the legless dragons and even has some great infantry spells, but don’t waste time on that garbage, fury is a warbeast only spell, right?
3. ABSYLONIA 2: You definetly swipe left on this freaky looking bae. She has a really bad attitude, anger issues and is constantly on her period. Bad news is her pet dragons are all in the same ornery state of mind as well and they will rip the shit out of everything they can get their bizarre little claws onto. She kind of epitomizes the latent desires of every Legion player ever: I crippling alpha strike you and win, hope you had fun not playing this game! She’s not a fan of guns and hates being shot, but then again which legion battlegroup does.
This guy jacks off way too much, I mean that’s pretty evident from the muscle development on that right forearm. I wonder if Everblight watches him and approves? Anyway, he has this death shroud thing and can bring a dead warbeast back so Legion players play him with a couple of thrones and call it good. Thrones are like a hentai wet dream and I’d feel dirty as fuck putting it on the table, so anyone I see dropping that shit I assume is bent as fuck.
5.LLYTH3: Was a time that santa bitch was the go to answer for gun lines but now fyanna has taken her place. I guess being able to deliver your battlegroup AND kill shit is decidedly better. She has a pretty noobtastic assassination vector but even her good matchups into circle and cygnar have gotten a ton worse.
6.SAERYN and RHYAS 1: Twin sexy time! I have to admit I am super jelly of this caster unit, not because they are broken or anything but conceptually they are crazy cool. You get a psycho ninja bitch and a strong witch caster, what more do you want! They do enough for their battle group to be considered and throwing rhyas into murder central twice can be a big attrition swing so they do see a bit of play. Still, they are FUCKING COOL!
7. THAGROSH2: Ok, this guy is the guy you play if you want a warbeast for a caster. He does do a lot for his battle group offensively but he does nothing to deliver the glass cannons, so right now he’s a no go zone. Manifest Destiny works on all faction models but you’d have to be crazy to take anything but derp dragons. He’s obviously also balanced out the jacking and learned to alternate, which is a good skill to have.
8.VAYL 1: Ball lady. Seriously everytime I see this caster I think of the movie: Phantasm, which was a pretty cool movie, too bad she’s not that cool. I mean she does a lot offensively for her battlegroup but she has to put herself in danger to do it and she doesn’t have anything that helps deliver the derp dragons, so stay away!
9. VAYL2: Ball Lady, the ball is back! The boobs on her card art are freaky as fuck, it’s like they are glued together or maybe they are prehensile and can point at things… either way, freaky, Was a time when she assassinated you from a million miles away after you killed all her derp dragons. Now she doesn’t. Once again, does cool shit but doesn’t help deliver the eyeless horde. Meh.
10. RHYAS 1: Ninja chick! Seriously, this caster concept even gets me excited and nothing does that anymore! Problem is she doesn’t help deliver or amp up her battlegroup enough and seeing as we’re playing a faction that is ALL about the battlegroup she’s obviously garbage.
11. BETHAYNE 1: Want your caster that’s a warbeast? Who doesn’t. Want your caster to be Edward Scissorhands in a lumpen shit sack? No one does. This has to be one of the kinkiest casters in a faction full of kink. You skinny little cancer elf gets to jump into her pet walk dragon and get her sexy on. Her biggest failing is that PP tried to make her into an infantry caster in a faction that doesn’t have infantry. Like literally, there’s no infantry in Legion, just sexy derp dragons.
12. KRYSSA1: JVM played her at SOO so she’s good right? Maybe, but you lack the skill to pilot her properly. Stick with Fyanna or Abby2, they suit you fine.
13. LLYTH2: There was a short window when even JVM was playing this bitch as a UNA 2 counter, but guess what, you get the tree instead of the crazy bird lady. So even during that tiny window of opportunity she still sucked.
14. ABSYLONIA 1: Used to be a time when abby scared even legion support but those times are gone. She really is a sad muppet and a pale shadow of her epic self. She’s also super freaky looking and her model is derptastic, don’t go there.
15. KALLUS2: daddy must have done the nasty with a carnivean because baby is a crazy fucked centaur thing. He has amazing assassination vectors but suffers from being a bizarre infantry/battlegroup caster thing and we hate that. WE HATE INFANTRY!!!!
16. LLYTH 1: She has parasite, which is cool in cryx but boring as sin in Legion. With the lack of a battle group wide buff or a feat that helps deliver said battle group she’s just a nobody.
17. KALLUS1: This guys likes infantry, so you hate him. HATE HIM!!!
18. SAERYN1: Who?
So that’s it. If you play this degenerate faction of Hentai rejects and 3D sci fi porn rejects just follow whatever JVM is doing, you can’t go wrong with that!