Ahhh Cryx! There was a good 6 months just after the start of MK 3 that Cryx was extinct and even the die hard minions of the Dragon Father had thrown their soul cages in the fire and given up the life immortal. Those were horrible times, and I’m not shitting you there, I missed Cryx terribly, they are the natural predator of armour lists and I have had my fill of jack spam! So, what qualifies me to do THE definitive Cryx caster ranking? Well, I once owned cryx models and I even played them, back when Cygnar was a big problem for the undead pirates and it was banes as far as the eye could see! So, I know a thing or two about cryx casters and certainly more than all you band wagoners and posers who bailed on the faction when it was languishing in post MK 3 purgatory!

its Denny Bitch!

Currently there is one defining factor for cryx: who runs Ghost Fleet the best? Well shit, a lobotomized monkey could answer that question, but there’s all those other qualifying factors, because some of the factions out there have answers to ye ol Ghosty Fleeticus. So the real question is, who do you pair with Denny!

So, to summarize, there are two types of Cryx casters: Denny 1 and those who are not Denny 1. It really is that simple. Here’s my rating fuckers, enjoy!

1. Denny 1: Shiiit, this mad bitch is still fucking straight bonkers. With her skyrim helmet and bare midriff she turns shit into shineola. What’s better than buffing garbage models? Fucking buffing garbage models that keep coming back! I don’t think there’s been a meta defining list in MK3 like Denny GF and you shit bags playing cryx should milk the fuck out of it before ol William wises up and nerfs you favourite twin.

2. Coven: Ohhhhh Fuk yah, can you say threesome? These ladies and their S&M ball are pretty hot shit, because guess what, they shut that annoying shooting shit down and let you undead dudes get to the murder time intact. They are also the stupidest warcaster in the game with all their spending multiple focus per hit and the fact they all activate separately and shit. Like, tidy that shit up PP, they are confusing as shit! Not Denny but hell they pair with Denny well!

3. Skarre 1: Like destroying everything in your path regardless of defense or armour? Fuck yah! Poor horny bae is pretty boring to play though as 99% of the time she casts one spell. Yah yah, I know Paul, you arc blood rain all the time but fuck off, 99% of the time she casts Dark Guidance and camps, stop being a snow flake. Anyway, she’s freaking amazing and even using the feat defensively to guarantee max banes on target is a game winning strategy most of the time. Not Denny but pairs well with the main biotch.

Everybody after here really doesn’t matter, they are all Not Denny but I’ll randomly assign them a number just to be thorough! 

4. Gaspy 2: Not Denny. Pretty weak second list but some schmucks like the rfp and cloud wall bullshit, whatever, this guy is a has been.

5. Gaspy 3: Not Denny, Maybe something with Black Industries, cute but not Denny GF by far.

6. Denny 2: Not Denny, I mean she’s a reminder why abdominal armour is a good idea and some weird Polish people claim she’s a great mirror drop but fuck that, SHE AIN’T DENNY!

7. Aiakos 2: Not Denny. Something with Black Industries, cute, fire your cryx jacks a million miles, I don’t care, they’re still cryx jacks.

8. Denny 3: Not Denny. Ok, shes A Denny, but not THE Denny, maybe something with Black Industries but who cares, go play GF.

9. Mortenebra 2: Will be cool in Black Industries, still an off list, still NOT DENNY!

10. Venethrax 1: Could be something with Black Industries, still your off list though, NOT DENNY!

11. Mortenbra 1: Cool factor 10,000, still not Denny.

12. Skarre 2: If you are playing Skarre 2 you are probably also wearing a wolf sweater and listening to Sepultura, get fucking over yourself, you’re not special! Totally NOT DENNY!

13. Terminus 1: Lord Derpzilla, 1 trick pony, definitely NOT DENNY!

14. Goreshade 2: Not Denny. You’d think the bane guy would be great in the bane theme, guess what, not even.

15. Scaverous 1: SUS BAIT! Don’t do it, he’s NOT DENNY!

16. Gaspy 1: Not Denny.

17. Goreshade 1: Not Denny. No, just no.

18. Agathia 1: Not Denny.

19. Sturgis 1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA, Not Denny.

That’s it! Seems kind of short, but that’s really how simple it is: Play Denny, apply ghost pirates. Of course you have an off list for those idiots that think you are going to play Denny into their obvious Denny GF answer because DUH! like you’re going to feed your recursion machine into an RFP nightmare!

The biggest challenge you will face as a Cryx player will be if the tournament is D&C 1, because you will most likely find yourself locked into your off list after you steamroll several opponents with endless waves of pirates. If it’s D&C 0 just go ahead and live the dream!